When I was a young man of 19 or 20, I came across an online list of lesssons for men. A collection of wisdom for things you should probably know, regardless of gender

At the time, I found this to be a source of guidance and so I printed the list and kept the exact same copy on the walls of my room, no matter where I went. Occasionally, I would mark the paper with a date if I felt that I went through an experience that I had "learned my lesson".

10 years later, I still have the list and the opportunity to 1) share the list and 2) share how my understanding of the guidance have changed with time.

How to read this list:

Below, you can find the original text along with my comments (if applicable)
There are 63 lessons in total and some have my comments on them.

63 Life Lessons for Men

Your father probably told you a few things, but just in case he wasn't around enough, here are some words of wisdom you might have missed out on:

1 - Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once.

As a young man you won't have a lot of your own tools so you'll have to borrow.
You also wont have a lot of money so spend it wisely! Don't waste money on a "quality tool" that you'll only use once. In most cases just buying a good Leatherman is enough to cover most of your needs.

2 - Keep a change of clothes at the office.

I fully stand by this one and have expanded it to have a toothbrush and deodorant. This allows you to be incredibly flexible. Out late and have work the next day? Sleep with at a friend, get into the office a bit early, shower and start your day.
The only thing to be aware of is having a healthy relationship with your job (don't live in the office and don't slack off)

3 - Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.

4 - Every hat should serve a purpose.

Ah, I don't wear a lot of hats. As a rule I try to keep things minimal and reduce the amount of things I have to the essentials. I suppose I was implementing this rule all along and to that point I don't really use hats.

5 - Never take her to the movies on the first date.

The reason for this is that you want to get to know the person. Pick an activity in which you are talking, sharing, communicating. Imagine leaving the movie and you STILL know nothing about this person on the date. They are practically strangers.
I suppose an exception to this is if you have been chatting online for a while but if it is your first time meeting and you do seem to have a connection, do something more memorable.

6 - Learn to wet shave.

Yep, totally agree. I usually keep a stubble / light beard so shaving cream is pointless anyways. But on the times you do need a short shave, it's not likely that you have shaving cream. Get used to going without it.

7 - Nothing looks more badass than a well-tailored suit.

This is true and I miss wearing suits. I am in conflict with Lesson 1 (buy high quality) and lesson 4(dont buy things you dont need) as I really want a suit but don't use them often enough to justify.
But yet, having a good looking suit can be life changing.

8 - Shave with the grain on the first go-around.

Seems so common sense. What psychopath shaves against the grain on the first go?

9 - Always look a person in the eye when you talk to them.

This is good advice but can be tricky to do, depending on the person you are speaking to. Eye contact is very powerful.

10 - Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

Yep, learned this one as well but it's not just talking about plungers.
The idea is that things break, bad things happen and the sht hits the fan every now and again.
You need to prepare for those days ahead of time because it will make a world of difference in the moment.

11 - Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift, and play sports.

This is easy to ignore as a young man. You can get away with a lot and your body will forgive you but not forever.
Your body is like a sailboat. If you haven't sailed and used your ropes in years then the first storm that comes will have everything snap.
But if you sail once a week and keep the tension up, the storm won't break the ropes.

12 - Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.

Seems pretty obvious (you will drop toothpaste onto your tie) but this one is like lesson 10 - it hides a deeper lesson.
Think of the sequence of events in your plan. Review it and make sure you are not acting against yourself.

13 - A small amount of your paycheck should go directly to your savings account every month.

This ties into lesson 10 (plan ahead of time). Personally, I use a method called Zero Based Budgeting for my budgeting. Perhaps I'll write a post on it sometime but it has been one of the most life changing things I could have done for myself - to be financially literate and responsible (except when it comes to electronic gadgets) has opened a world of opportunities that I otherwise would not have had.

14 - Call Mom and Dad every week.

This has always been a challenge and a lesson I have tried to get better at over the years. I believe I have improved much in this regard.

15 - Never wear a clip-on tie.

I mean who on earth would wear a clip on tie? I think the deeper meaning here is that some shortcuts don't pay off and look cheap.

16 - Give a firm handshake.

This seems obvious. Don't give a "dead fish" handshake but also no need to crush the other person's digits into dust. Just firm grip, fingers all the way around and look them in the eyes. The deeper meaning here is that when you have just met someone for the first time, they don't know much about you and a firm handshake can be a signal of reliability.
If you are saying goodbye in the same circumstance, it will leave a much better impression than a dead, limp shake.

17 - Compliment her shoes.

The meaning here is obvious; she has taken time to select her shoes and you are acknowledging and complimenting her taste and selection and if this is for a date then you are acknowledging the effort she has taken in getting ready.

18 - Never leave a pint unfinished.

Ah, on this one I have actually changed my mind. I used to take it literally (finish all your drinks) but taken too literally and you can be pushing yourself into drunkenness.
I now think the lesson is "always commit to finishing what you have started". If you know you will have to follow through, you will be more selective in the things you say YES or NO to and people can expect you to stand by your word.

19 - If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come around.

Yes and no. It's ok to not be confident and perhaps even scared to do something but if you do it ANYWAYS then that is the definition of bravery.
If this lesson means to just fake your way through everything, just know that the insecurity will manifest itself if left unaddressed.
Work on being competent and do things even if you are scared to.
You will get better.

20 - You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.

There is a saying:
“Great Minds Discuss Ideas. Average Minds Discuss Events. Small Minds Discuss People” - from Eleanor Roosevelt

21 - Be conscious of your body language.

This seems obvious but it's a constant reminder that we are a social creature that needs to pick up signals from others on whether they are a friend or enemy. If you are listening to someone tell a story but at the same time are feeling a bit cold and cross your arms, just be aware that that will signal to them that you are closed off from them.
Learning how to communicate is a catalyst for success in all endeavors.

22 - The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them. Period.

Some things you grow up thinking it's a game until it comes time to do it.

23 - Always stand to shake someone's hand.

This is a sign of respect and shows them that you are a person of character. It's a small thing but people notice.

24 - Never lend anything you can't afford to lose.

Yes, a million times. This isn't just about physical things but also gambling, things you say and any risk you take.
It's about sizing yourself up and saying "Am I really where I think I am?" "Can I afford to lose this [Friendship/ Money / Health]?"
Be honest with yourself and never lie to yourself.
God help you if you believe your own lies and can't tell the truth from falsehood.

25 - Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves.

No comment. Great lesson. Personally, I think I need to move the needle a bit to the other side and be more comfortable with sharing with others.

26 - Never have s_x with anyone that doesn't want it as much as you.

This is obvious and should be said to anyone that might not think it's obvious. Some of the people in that category may even be you if you've had too many drinks or perhaps are not picking up on signals. Never have s_x drunk.

27 - Go for women out of your league. You may end up surprised.

Yeah I've never really approached others in public. We do live in a world where any approach by a man may be seen as harassment and there may be consequences. I've never approached a woman as a result. I also think an entire generation of men think the same way and there is plenty of online material to show the real world impact that is having.

28 - Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.

There are 2 parts to this.

1. To be a man means to be able to carry your own weight. Do not be a burden unto others and learn to have Discipline to do the things necessary to take care of yourself.
2. You may be in a position to help others. Select carefully as you are limited in who you can provide for. First is family and close friends and your partner. Second is everyone else. Also, think carefully about what it really means to "help"? Throwing money is rarely the solution to the problems within those dynamics and often it is people struggling with things you can't help with except being there for them and not allowing them to be alone

29 - Go with the decision that will make for a good story.

You only live once. Make it count.

30 - When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.

This one has a deeper meaning as well. Practically its saying the same thing as lesson 21 (body language) but it's also saying a bit about strategy:
Think of the long path, not just the tiny details you can see.
In the big picture, you can't see the little details. Figure it out as you go.

31 - Nice guys don't finish last, boring guys do.

I didn't understand this at first but it's true for dating and for business. Being agreeable and "nice" doesn't do anything except make you into a doormat. "Nice" means that you only say yes and do anything to avoid confrontation and people please. It doesn't mean you are rude or have no morals. To be successful you need to be different(i.e. not boring) and that means some people may not approve. You will need to accept that some people will disapprove or misunderstand.

32 - Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.

There is a concept called Ikigai that helped me alot.
Most of your 20s are about trying new things and seeing how you feel. Ikigai is a map to show you where you are and where you might want to be.

33 - Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head.

It seems obvious but we guys really have a strong biological drive and it can influence our decisions. Some may take advantage of that influence or we may sacrifice parts of ourselves but it's important to keep the long vision and not let your desires control us

34 - No matter their job or status, everyone deserves your respect.

The way you treat others is a reflection of you.

35 - The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen; it's your job to overcome them.

Yes, this is a combination of lesson 10 and lesson 28. It's also a deep life lesson that no matter who you are or how you prepare, bad things do happen and sometimes you will be given a task to overcome it.

36 - The first one to get angry loses.

This is true for relationships and business

37 - A man does what needs to be done without complaining.

This is a challenging one but it holds true.

38 - Never stop learning.

You can learn something from absolutely everyone. Make sure to always questions your understanding of the topic and expose yourself to people who have done it all before

39 - Always go out into public dressed like you're about to meet the love of your life.

Mmm, not sure about this one. We all get the Big Sad sometimes and stay at home eating baked beans out of a can (or at least I do :P )
It's okay to go out not being your best, you are only human. Also, don't let others opinion of you control you

40 - Don't change yourself just to make someone happy.

41 - If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Same lesson as 38

42 - Luck favors the prepared.

Same lesson as lesson 10

43 - Women find confidence sexy as hell.

44 - Do whatever you want to do, but be the best at it.

This is a lesson that comes after lesson 32 - you need to figure out first what you want to do.

45 - No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work.

same as lesson 29

46 - Dance with the girl you brought to the Dance.

47 - Work with what you got.

Often you need to figure things out in real time and problem solve as you go. Learn to be resourceful and think outside the box.

48 - Watch the nickels and dimes and the dollars will follow.

This is similar to lesson 13 but it's about mindset. If you get a promotion / raise and suddenly start spending like it, then you will very quickly have your lifestyle expenses catch up to your income again and you'll be back to square one.
But if you have the mindset even when you are earning enough, to pick the cheaper option that you can do at home, then the same mindset is making decisions everywhere else and it will accumulate into massive savings.

49 - Buy a new car (new to you - a used one can be good) once every 10 years.

50 - Put your faith first, family second, job third.

51 - Learn to love unconditionally.

The hardest person to love unconditionally is ourselves

52 - Do the right thing without ever expecting anything in return.

53 - Learn to be content with what you got, but strive for more.

In contrast to lesson 48, this is about not being content and always striving for a challenge.

54 - Only gamble what you're willing to lose.

Same lesson as 24

55 - You can be happy or you can be right.

"Learn to pick your battles" I think is a better lesson.

56 - It's important that people know what you stand for. It's more important that they know what you won't stand for. .

Same lesson as 31

57 - Women judge a man by how he treats his mother. And his shoes.

58 - There's two types of smart: book smart and street smart.

59 - A place for everything and everything in its place. If you can't do this, you need a bigger place or fewer things.

Same lesson as lesson 4

60 - When going through hell, keep going. (Winston Churchill)

61 - When invited to someone's home, never show up empty-handed.

This is an important one and one I don't fulfill as much as I should. Feel free to invite me to dinner upon reading this and I won't show up empty handed :)

62 - Do the right things for the right reasons & do them right.

63 - If you don't like it - change it.

We have immense power to choose what to do. Complaining only takes you so far and is completely pointless if you are responsible for the matter.

So there we go! My famous list of lessons and what I "learned"
The list itself is very old and has iterations all over the internet. Its also aimed at an audience of young men who could not learn these things from a role model but the lessons about Personal responsability, preparedness and respect can help anyone who reads it and resonates with the lessons, no matter the gender.

I hope this helped you in the last few minutes as much as its helped me over the last 10 years.